Many kids and teens are looking forward to the holidays with great excitement, but others find it a difficult time of year filled with anxiety, stress and loneliness.
It’s something Alisa Simon, the chief youth officer at Kids Help Phone, says they watch for when school pauses for the winter break, noting, “we do see an increase in young people reaching out to us.”
Mental health professionals point to several reasons emotional well-being can take a hit for some kids and teens during the holidays: family stressors, pressure to act “happy,” less time with friends, stress over upcoming high school exams in January and a general lack of light at this time of year.
They suggest parents foster open communication over the break and watch for any significant changes in their kids’ behaviour.
Kids Help Phone data reveals 816,650 phone, text and online messages with kids and youth between Nov. 1 and Dec. 31 in 2023, compared to 779,734 during July and August that year.
”A lot of young people can feel really lonely over the holidays,” Simon said.
“If your family isn’t a place that feels safe or connected, that can make it really stressful for some young people and it also can isolate them from who they are connected to if that’s their friends or their community in school.”
Simon said kids and teens also pick up on “financial or family stress or heightened emotions that might happen around (their) families.”
“We all put so much pressure on ourselves around the holidays, particularly if we’ve got young people, to try and make it the best holiday ever,” she said.
Dr. Sandra Newton, a clinical and school psychologist in Durham Region east of Toronto, said that kind of pressure can be tough on kids and youth — especially if they have an existing mental illness such as anxiety or depression.
She said some pretend to be “up” and a “model child” if they think they’re expected to be joyous.
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“One of the best things we can teach kids is that we can integrate all aspects of ourselves. There is room for you no matter how tough a time you’re having,” Newton said.
“(It) doesn’t have to look perfect. It’s (the kids’) presence that we’re valuing. It’s their participating in activities with the family that we are valuing, even if that needs to look a little bit different, even if there are breaks needed.”
Kids and teens receiving treatment for a mental health issue often don’t have access to their therapist, many of whom break over the holidays, Newton said.
Families should plan to normalize conversations about their child’s mental health concerns before the holiday break starts.
“(The parent could say) ‘Hey, would it be OK for me just to check in with you a few times? … What’s the way that I can do that when I would not feel intrusive or bothersome? I’m here to help,’” Newton suggested.
”So often (kids are) concerned that they’re burdening a caregiver by sharing that things are difficult,” she said.
“They’re angry at themselves that they have this thing on their plate that they didn’t ask for. But we can validate that it’s difficult. They’re doing the best they can, and sometimes they’re going to need that caregiver to take the extra step to increase their support.”
Parents and kids can also line up other sources of support — whether it’s a family member, a friend or a helpline, she said.
Dr. Kevin Gabel, a child and youth psychiatrist at North York General Hospital, said regular communication with kids is critical, noting that November was a busy month for pediatric mental health visits.
He said seasonal depression can begin in November or December as the days get shorter and darker.
School also tends to get more stressful, especially if exams loom in the new year, Gabel said.
He said it’s important for parents to check in with their children and teenagers “and really let them express their feelings in a way that’s safe and understanding and non-judgmental.”
“It can be tempting to try to jump right in and solve all of the problems (but) sometimes even just listening, showing that you get it can be really powerful and validating,” Gabel said.
If some kids won’t say what’s troubling them, be alert to changes in their behaviour, both Gabel and Newton said.
Big changes in mood, becoming more withdrawn, not wanting to do activities they normally enjoy are all potential signs of trouble if they persist over multiple days, Gabel said.
The death of a loved one can make the holidays an especially tough time for kids and youth.
“Holidays are gathering and family-focused times. And if your family looks different this year, that’s going to be difficult,” said Newton.
“Youth may feel on their own having to deal with that sense of loss or watching caregivers navigate it.”
Simon said it’s important for parents and caregivers to acknowledge their grief with their kids.
“Sometimes as caregivers, we try and hide our own sadness because we see it as a burden to the young people in our lives,” she said.
“(They need to know) it’s OK to feel those feelings. It’s OK to cry and to be sad and to talk about it,” Simon said.
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