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I Tried to Sleep in a Casket and All I Got Was This Stupid Blog

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A few weeks ago, a coffin was delivered to the G/O Media office. Received Crimson Burial Instruments from Titan’s Coffin. Kevin HallerTaylor Swift as a facet of his personality so you can dig up the newsand this coffin (an alternate color scheme) was featured in her Anti-Hero music video.

I don’t have any particular feelings about Taylor Swift (do you think she’s okay? Swift has no shadow, right?), but I do Care many about a couple Wrong vampire show And I have a deep and enduring need to commit to bits in any situation. like a vampire?”

We discussed several different options: Lid open or closed? (Open for safety, but this was quickly ignored – in the day.) Should I spend the night in a coffin? , or spend the day? (In the daytime, apparently, that’s when vampires sleep.) Can you dead-tweet from a coffin? (Never, said my editor. I did it anyway. Because I thought it would be hilarious. Fuck the man.) Should I dress up as a vampire? (We said yes, but decided not to after realizing we had to wear the vampire costume in a coffin for hours. Sorry, but this really pisses me off. ) would another colleague, Molly Taft, dress up like this? Guillermo de la Cruz And will you protect my coffin? (Yes, I would. But I didn’t.) After sorting out all these details, I headed to the office.

There was only one small snag. i was still alive We all know vampires are immortal creatures of the night, but I was still a living, breathing part of humanity.

Kirby Howell-Baptiste is an English actress. Killing Eve, The Good PlaceWhen Cruellaalso plays a character in Netflix’s Endless Death Sandman, an adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s seminal comic. On the day that happened to be scheduled to enter her coffin and meet Andes in a gentlemanly manner, Death himself would drop by. Naturally, I had to show her my coffin, and after we spoke (full interview coming soon!), I decided I was ready. It’s time for her to die.

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entered the coffin. I know I told my editor not to tweet, but I’m a monster and I put my phone, books, and flashlight in my coffin. My defense is that I’m sure a modern day vampire has a cell phone and Claudia is inside. interview with the vampire Bringing in a book wasn’t so easy, as she always keeps a small notebook in her coffin. Should the lid be closed or not?

Relief for Kevin Haller, but I’m not. I decided today was the day to go Girlboss (not a girl) too close to the sun. I closed the lid. If I was going to do this, I was going to commit. The lid closed and I lay on my back, staring at the off-white satin lining on the top of the coffin, thinking this wasn’t actually that bad.

A few hours later I woke up. I was a little confused and a little dehydrated, but for the most part it was totally fine. But I had reached a decision point. I made sure I could sleep in a coffin. Now is the time to call this a success, break out of the undead prison, and do some real work. But with there still about five hours until sunset (in New York City that day, the sun sets at 4:36 p.m.), I was already comfortable and my mother didn’t raise a non-smoker. stayed in

and lunch time. The boss was entitled to a lunch break under our union contract and could not actually live on human blood (admittedly, this was an assumption), so he took the coffin to get food. It reminded me that I can leave. But he said I had to eat lunch in a coffin. It was a compromise, but we were hungry, so we made the deal. So about 30 minutes later I was sitting in a coffin with a burrito bowl and his cup of kombucha. Justin Rodriguez took this very good photo of me and sent it to the editors as proof. Enclosed below.

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Now for the home stretch. I went back to bed and tried another nap. No dice. I managed to hold the flashlight around my neck, put the book on top of the coffin, and read a chapter or two before my arms got tired. It was a novel. house with bonesI recommend it. Very creepy. coming out in marchAnyway, it didn’t make me sleepy.

I have to mention coffins. It is not made considering body temperature. I quickly realized that my little body (which was pretty hot to begin with) wasn’t made for a coffin. It was very warm. Not warm enough to convince me to get out of the coffin, but certainly warm enough to make me a little sticky. It wasn’t ideal, but I can honestly say that I was a Trooper and slept in less-than-ideal conditions than a warm, dry coffin in the middle of an open office in Midtown Manhattan. Hear about summers spent sleeping outside, in hammocks, and on boats. This is the real challenge.

So I continued to murmur occasionally, and some of my colleagues came over to say hello and talk to me, and I waited the rest of the day. rice field. I found it strange that I was literally sleeping in a coffin in the middle of work. While lying face down in the coffin, you might want to look them in the eye when talking to them. I have a very serious job.

I'm rested and fine, in fact I was perfectly normal

I’m rested and fine, in fact I was perfectly normal

And as I waited the final half hour in a warm, slightly damp coffin that smelled faintly of ozone and polo adobo, I asked myself. Can I do this every day? Can I put myself in a coffin, sleep all sunlit hours, and then wake up to be a thirsty and fierce messenger of darkness? , while I take union-mandated lunch breaks and do the very things that once made me human, that I may never participate again because I lived as a demon, I work endlessly. can you suffer? Shadow? Can you live with yourself, torn between life and death, between your former self and an immortal future that stretches endlessly?

Yeah man. absolutely. There is no question that it can be hacked. coffin? no problem. A slice of human pie. blood? I mean… if you get there you get there, but if not? I’m ready. I am ready to take the next step towards immortality, receive the gift of darkness, and be reborn as a fucking, badass, motherfucking vampire. Consider this test run successful. give it to me I am fully prepared to live the night afterlife.

Thus ended the vampire experiment and spent six non-consecutive hours in the coffin. not bad. I came out of that coffin dehydrated like a cactus in Arizona in the summer, and I still came out. Maybe that’s why vampires have such a strong thirst. What coffin makers should think about.according to what we do in the shadows, every actor who has ever played a vampire on screen is actually a vampire pretending to be a human actor. Meaningful. In fact, I’ve met some of those actors. One or two of them may remember me. It looks like all I have to do to complete my transformation is find Sam Reed and ask him to turn me into a thumpyer. In other words, vampires.a vampire! you get it. I’ll let you know how it works.


Want more io9 news?See when updates arrive marvel, Star WarsWhen Star Trek release, what’s next The DC Universe of Movies and TVand everything you need to know about James Cameron Avatar: Path of Water.

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