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Red carpet ready

by News Desk
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I’m no survivalist by any means (knowing I’m running out of chips can barely survive), but when the weather forecast calls for a blizzard, my husband Carpenter goes into emergency preparedness mode.

Firewood is stacked by the wood stove and outside the door for several days.

(I’m afraid to ask him if he does all this wood stacking for fear that zombies will chase us into the woodpile. Best not to ask.)

Battery is placed. Phone charges apply. Battery operated candles are stacked. Flashlights and lanterns are collected on the kitchen table.

You should see canned food. Carpenters pile them up with pride, a reminder that a wood stove can cook beans just fine. He has a menu plan.

Reusable water bottles, jars, insulated coffee mugs, or pots are all filled with water. nobody

The bathtub also serves as an emergency water dispenser, but it’s probably only about a third full.

During the Christmas blizzard, the bathtub slowly drained without us noticing. I looked for a way to mark the lines.

Desperate to be helpful, I suggested a clever alternative. It’s lipstick.

Considering we were in the bathroom, not only did I have a solution, I had it on hand.

I handed him a bag of lipstick.

Carpenter randomly selected my bright red lipstick labeled “Ready for the Red Carpet.” It’s a rich and naughty red that I bought when I dressed up once. I might do that again to wear this lipstick.

The carpenter opened the lid and twisted the lipstick case so that the red lipstick came out from the bottom.

“Don’t push too hard,” I said. After years of watching me apply lipstick, I think he got the point. “For some reason the tip is slanted.”

He wasn’t listening to me (politely saying he wasn’t listening).

He treated my bright red lipstick like a crayon, pressing the beveled edge too hard and breaking the soft tip, creating a thick clumpy red smudge with a one-inch waterline mark.

Before I could protest, he pushed back the lipstick cap.

Yeah, he forgot to put the lipstick back on first. crush. Red carpet chaos.

I cried. i couldn’t help myself. It was an unintentional sound. For plump and thin lips with tight lines.

we call it anger.

He looked at me confused. what could be the problem? My solution worked.

“You crushed my bright red lipstick not once, but twice,” I growled.

He looked down at the case of black lipstick he was holding and slowly opened it to see the carnage of cosmetics.

“Yeah,” he said, and reality began to sink in.

He handed me a case of lipstick and went back to collect the wood.

I hope the zombies find him.

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